End of Year/Decade Rant

Here we are at the end of another year and the end of the first decade of the New Millennium. So, it is time for me to post a few thoughts about what has happened to me and the rest of the world during these many days. Much already has been written about this past decade, my favorite being a column by Paul Krugman of the New York Times titled "The Big Zero". The funniest take on the past year was written by Dave Barry of the Miami Herald titled "Dave Barry's Year in Review". Do your funny bone a favor and read that piece after you finish with my rant.

My father Larkin used denote the concept of nothingness by saying "zero, naught, double-oh, nothing". In his honor I will call this last decade the "Zeronaughtdoubleohnothing Decade". It was a decade of mixed blessings for me. During the past 10 years: I closed my studio, sold the building that housed it, semi-retired, gained and lost a wonderful girlfriend, had three eye surgeries (2 cataracts, 1 detached retina), my dog died, my house flooded (tropical storm Allison in 2001) but survived two hurricanes (Rita 2005, Ike 2008) and last New Year's Eve I stepped in a hole on the way home from a midnight champagne toast, suffering no long-term ill effects other than the bruise to my hubris. Thank goodness nobody witnessed it.

The past decade has had its good times as well. In 2005 I took the aforementioned girlfriend (Sara Jo) to Paris, France for a week. We had a wonderful time and as somebody once said in a movie "we will always have Paris". I traveled to New Orleans for a good friend's wedding and went back again for several years thereafter to celebrate the anniversary. There were several other forays down to the Big Easy including Christmas of 2006 and my 40th Homecoming at Tulane University in 2007. Back at home I discovered a wonderful nearby restaurant Divino and have had three exhibits of my work hanging on their walls including the current one. My work has been exhibited at FotoFest at each of the biennial exhibits and is scheduled to appear again in 2010.

This past year has been pretty good to me. However, I would like to have those two hours back that I wasted on the "balloon boy" hoax. Being a student of physics (and an ardent fan of MythBusters) I knew there was no boy in that balloon, but kept watching and believing anyway. Fortunately I had no money invested with Bernie Madoff or R. Allen Stanford so I escaped any major financial calamity there. My IRA savings dipped and then bounced back a bit but my investment in my personal mug at the Black Labrador Pub has done better over the years, nearly doubling in value. I feel fortunate that I don't live in California, Florida or Arizona because my housing bubble is still fully inflated (at least the Harris County Appraisal District thinks so). The so-called Health Care Reform Bill has me only slightly worried. I turn 65 in March 2010 and will be eligible for Medicare. I just hope the government does a better job with that program in the future than the TSA has done keeping whackos with explosive wardrobes off airplanes.

My old 1983 Mercedes held together over the last year but was too old for "cash for clunkers". But why would I want to trade in a reliable German automobile for one built by a government subsidiary? I was getting a little worried about Global Warming until it snowed in Houston on December 4th, the earliest it has ever snowed here in recorded history. I thought about getting an iPhone but after watching everyone else that has one I realized that nobody actually "talks" on the thing and decided to stick with my old Treo that really works very well as a "phone".

Back in the Spring I was honored with an award and I did not need to send $10,000 to a bank in Nigeria to receive it. I was chosen as a "Star of Design" in photography by the Decorative Center of Houston. I got a very nice crystal trophy and a chance to stand up in front of a bunch of people and thank them for awarding me something while I am still alive. In August I took a trip to Canyon Lake in the Texas Hill Country with some good friends. We tubed down the Guadalupe River, what little of it there was due to the extreme drought conditions there. The next time I want to get sunburned and drunk in stagnant water I think I will just dump a load of dirt and excrement in my pool and pop open a six-pack.

It was down to New Orleans again this year at Halloween for a surprise birthday party for my good friend Ricco Loper, whose birthday is actually in December. His wife Linda thought it might be more fun to gather for the spooky weekend since it would give us an excuse to dress more funny than we normally do. That's me costumed as filmmaker Michael Moore. We had a great time and really surprised Ricco. Check out my YouTube site for some videos of the weekend.

I threw my usual batch of pool parties this summer. The most fun one was probably the 4th of July where one of my friends spent almost the entire party trying get his "water feature" to work. See a video of it here. To cap off the year I hosted a Wine and Cheese party in mid December where just like the blueprint for a mouse trap I put out a bunch of cheese and caught a lot of free wine brought by the party goers.

And finally, I am thankful for another year with my great group of friends with whom I have had so much fun. I hope we can keep it up next year. In the meantime you can keep up with me on Facebook or just watch your "in box" for my electronic missives.

Happy New Year Y'all!

Health Care Reform: An Analogy

I am going to use an analogy to try to show that what our President has proposed is not "socialized medicine" or the government "takeover" of health care.

Let's suppose on the eve of the anniversary of hurricane Ike which devastated the Gulf Coast that Mr. Obama went on TV and proposed that we reform homeowners and flood insurance. He might point out that thousands of people lost their homes and many cannot replace them because they did not have insurance or did not have the correct type of insurance (i.e. flood versus wind). Or maybe they were denied their claim because they failed to disclose a cracked slab even though their roof was blown off, something not the least bit related to that defect.

The president might go on to note that many with insurance before Ike could no longer get it afterward because of the prior claim. So even if they rebuilt their homes they would have to bear the burden of another storm loss without benefit of insurance. Or if insurance were available its cost would be prohibitive because the homeowner would be placed into a "high risk" pool with exorbitant premiums and limited coverage.

Therefore, to protect all homeowners against these onerous practices by the insurance industry, the President proposes some new laws covering homeowners insurance. First, no homeowner could be denied insurance, regardless of preexisting conditions (like the cracked slab). No homeowner could have his or her insurance canceled because of a claim or have their coverage capped if damages were really bad. No homeowner would be denied future coverage because of prior claims. Pricing would be fair for all. Insurance companies could not "cherry pick" homeowners, offering coverage to big, expensive houses but denying it to small ones in poor neighborhoods.

The President, being a practical man, realizes that he cannot slap all these restrictions on the insurance companies unless they are allowed to recoup the costs that will be incurred by all this "fairness". So, all homeowners will be required to purchase insurance, just like all drivers are required to purchase auto insurance. The President also realizes, again being practical, that not everyone can afford homeowners insurance so he proposes a subsidy or tax break for those of limited means to make it possible for them to buy insurance.

And, just to be sure that affordable insurance is available to the most needy he proposes a "public option" for homeowners insurance. This would be an insurance plan offered by the government but supported entirely by premiums paid by homeowners. No tax dollars would be spent to subsidize the plan. It would be able to keep premiums low because it would not need to advertise to attract customers, it would not be required to make a profit to stay in business and it would not need to pay lavish executive salaries as a reward for making these profits. Furthermore, it would have bargaining power to negotiate the best prices on materials and labor needed to rebuild homes lost to disasters like hurricanes, wild fires and earthquakes.

In summation, the President would proffer that no homeowner should be forced into bankruptcy or left homeless due to the unpredictable forces of nature. Homeowners insurance should not be seen as a privilege but a right. This is not only fair but the American Way.

So, if this little fairy tale were to come to pass, would you consider this "socialized homeowners care" or a government takeover of homeowners' homes?

I think not.

Things That Go Boom in the Night

Night before last I was awakened at about 6AM by a loud boom. It even shook the house a bit. I thought maybe a large trash container was being delivered at the construction site across the street. But upon inspection I noticed no activity at the site. I paid it no more attention and went back to sleep.

Later in the day I took my daily swim. I keep my pool covered except during the swim. This keeps the heat in and saves big-time on gas costs. While swimming I heard another loud boom. It sounded like it came from my neighbors back yard. I popped up from the water and peered through the fence and saw nothing and finished my swim. The way I have things set up there is a timer that comes on at 6AM in the morning, starts the pump and this fires up the heater. By swim time midday the pool is up to temp, the heater cuts off and I can take a comfortable swim. Occasionally during the swim the heater will kick back in again.

After the swim, as I always do, went outside my fence to where my pool heater is to turn it off along with the pump. That is when I saw the front panel of the heater lying on the ground a foot or so from the heater. I put 2 and 2 together and the picture became clear. My pool heater was essentially "blowing up" every time it started. It is an old heater which I recently had repaired but I knew it was not long for this world. Apparently some safety device had failed which allowed a large buildup of gas inside the heater before the electronic pilot actually ignited. Science 101: flammable gas + air + spark = BOOM!

The weird thing is that even after the explosion the heater stayed lit and heated the pool water. I called my pool guy right away and told him to get me prices on a new heater. I did not know how many more cycles of "boom+heat" the old heater was good for and did not want to find out.

In Memoriam: Boo Dog 1996 - 2009

My faithful canine companion for over a dozen years has gone on to the big dog park in the sky. A week ago Boo was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and I knew he did not have long to live. By today he had become too weak to eat, drink or even take a treat. I knew he was telling me it was time to go to a better place.

They say all good dogs go to heaven and these days I think that maybe they should be the only creatures allowed in. If I find myself so lucky after my passing I will be disappointed if there are not more dogs there than people. Dogs are indeed very special animals.

I came by Boo via a previous girlfriend named Rosemary. When we first started dating, Boo was staying with her on a rural piece of property her parents owned near Manvel, TX. I remember the first day I visited there and met Boo. I really did not know what to expect except that I figured a girl would have a girlie type dog. But when he came running down the driveway towards my car I was pleasantly surprised and thought to myself "now there is a really great dog". I was right and Boo turned out to be not only a great dog but a fine friend and a source of many laughs and fun times together. When Rosemary and I broke up Boo stayed on with me, as we had bonded closely.

Boo was a great watch dog and always "barked up the bad people" (whether they were actually bad or not). For many years he was my swimming coach, running up and down the edge of the pool while I swam my laps. Boo was also amazing at fetching a tennis ball. He could get almost as much air as Michael Jordan when jumping to catch the ball in mid-flight. In his later years with his eyesight failing (cataracts) he could still find the ball by using his sense of smell and a dog's innate ability to know where things are. At his very core Boo was a working dog, always wanting to know what his job was and ever-ready to do it. He was not much for petting though. He would tolerate it to a certain degree but never seek it out. I used to joke that I was about to give him some torture whenever I was about to pet him.

Boo and I spent many, many days at the West Alabama Ice House. I don't think he much liked being at the Ice House, just the walks to and from. But he would curl up faithfully beneath my feet at the bar stool waiting patiently until it was time to go home. People were often completely unaware Boo was there, all to often cracking open peanuts or ashing their cigarettes over him. He knew the way home better than me, evidenced one night when I, a bit in my cups as they say, tried to turn one street too early while walking home. He pulled at me hard, making me aware of my navigational error and forcing me to make a mid-course correction.

I had learned much earlier of Boo's awareness of where home was. One day at the Ice House a motorcycle backfired very close to the table where several of us were seated and under which Boo was reclining. The boom scared us so that we all started laughing when we realized we were still intact. It was several minutes before I noted that Boo was gone. I looked all over the grounds of the Ice House and Boo was nowhere to be found. I asked around if anyone had seen him and several people pointed in the direction of my house. I walked the four-plus blocks home and sure enough, there was Boo sitting in my driveway with a proud look on his face. He was smart enough to know not to hang around a place where things were going to blow up.

Boo learned all my tells. I always thought that dogs would make great poker players if they could play cards (as depicted in those awful black velvet paintings). They are great at picking up even the slightest tell about what is to happen. Each day I would take Boo for a walk in the afternoon. I grew up visiting my grandparents in West Texas a lot. There you learned to knock out your shoes before putting them on in case any nasty critters had decided to crawl in. I have maintained that habit to this day and that was my tell for the afternoon walks. As soon as Boo heard me banging my shoes down on their heels he would come running and barking in a frenzy to get going on the afternoon walk. I used to tell Boo to be patient. People are not as good as dogs. We have to stop and put our feet on every day. Dogs don't. They are always ready to go.

Click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCEdtwosi-Q to see a funny video of Boo reacting to my tell before going swimming each morning.

The last thing I told Boo before he passed on towards heaven was to look for a couple of other dogs who were very dear to my heart. One was named Arlo and belonged to my sister and the other named Sadie and was my mother's dog. They were both border collies and spent a lot of time together, especially around our pool in Fort Worth where we grew up. I told Boo to look for a couple of black and white dogs chasing each other around a big blue kidney-shaped pool. You can see a video of those two here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEjaZNOziak. I think Boo and these guys will make good friends.

Boo as a young dog.

They says dogs grow into their ears and feet.
Boo certainly did.

2008 Is Over!

I was thinking that it only seems like a year ago it was the start of 2008 and so another year is gone. I won't bore your with tales of my travels and pictures of far away places. You see, I pretty much stayed in my 'hood all this year. I did take lots of pictures and you can see those at my photo website www.ronscott.com.

I started the new year off with a bang... well, more of a bam! On the way back from toasting in the new year with some bubbly at my favorite restaurant Divino's I stepped into an open water meter hole (the cover was missing) and went down on the sidewalk like a sack of rocks. No major damage (except to my ego) and I escaped with a few scrapes and a sore shoulder. Now if you were the uncharitable type you might suggest that the consumption of adult beverages in pursuit of New Years eve revelries might have contributed to my fall, but I hope not. Gravity is gravity and surely that was the main culprit.

2008 was not without its moments for me even though I did not travel afar. I had an exhibit of my work displayed as part of FotoFest 2008 as well as a new batch of my work on hanging at the aforementioned Divino's Restaurant. Another birthday came and went and many enjoyable hours were spent with friends at various parties, pubs, bars and restaurants. I logged six pool parties at me casa last Spring and Summer plus a post-Ike party in the Fall for added measure. Oh yeah, almost forgot old Ike (the hurricane, not the President). I escaped any major damage at my place but much of Houston and all of Galveston did not.

My dog Boo got a year older too. He had a couple of expensive visits to the dogspital but is on the mend now. I did not escape this year without a medical malady either. In mid November I was diagnosed with a detached retina and underwent surgery the next week. I seem to be mending from that episode too. Fortunately I was able to put all the expenses for Boo and me on the Amex card and rack up some reward points which I hope to use for some travel in 2009.

My end-of-year rant would not be complete without a mention of the events that shaped 2008. We elected our first African-American president following an election that gave us some memorable moments and great fodder for pundits and comedians. I am going to miss Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin. The sub-prime mortgage meltdown sucked the life out of our economy and the stock market collapsed. The CEOs of the Detroit Big 3 automakers flew to Washington in separate private jets to beg Congress for a bailout and erstwhile financial wizard Bernie Madoff scammed a lot of rich people out of billions. Congress voted 700 billion dollars to prop up the financial sector and now that they have burned though half of it nobody wants to say where it went or how much wound up in the pockets of the guys who got us in this mess in the first place. The governor of Illinois was caught scheming to turn his appointment to fill Obama's Senate seat into his own payday and the one to be vacated by Hillary may go to a princess who can't stop saying "you know". Oh what fun and I am sure there is more to come in 2009.

Happy New Year y'all!

How I Spent My Thanksgiving

I spent this Thanksgiving week pretty much on my face. The week before I was diagnosed with a detached retina. Surgery was on the Monday before Thanksgiving and I spent the rest of the week recovering. Because of the procedure used I was required to spend a week with my head pointed downward.

The procedure I opted for is called vitrectomy (there are others but they were not as attractive in my case). The vitreous humor is removed from the eye and replaced with a saline solution. Following the reattachment of the retina the eye is filled with a gas that creates a bubble within the eye. The bubble presses against the retina and holds it in place during healing. In order for this to work the head must be positioned facing downwards. For those of you who slept through science class (or were forced to take in its place multicultural studies or some other bullshit feel-good class) here is the reason: gas in a liquid rises to the top.

To make recovery a bit easier I rented some special equipment that includes this massage chair contraption that lets me watch TV and use the computer while keeping my head down. For watching TV they sent along this mirror gizmo that works sort of like a periscope. It has two mirrors so that the TV image appears upright when you look into it. When not in the chair or sleeping (face down of course) I spent the time reading. This gave me a chance to read a book titled Chosen written by Troy Seate, a classmate of mine from Paschal High school.

I want to thank all my friends that helped me out during all this. Thanks to Steve Collier who drove me to the outpatient clinic and Sara Jo Dunstan who picked me up afterwards. Sara Jo also brought me my Thanksgiving meal from leftovers at the West Alabama Ice House orphans party. And a very special thanks to my next door neighbor Jim Bishop, who ironically is a retired ophthalmologist, for taking me to my post-op doctor's visit and walking my dog Boo each day.

So, here's hoping that next Thanksgiving will be much less eventful.

To see my YouTube video click here.

Note: If you have any of the symptoms of retinal detachment (flashes of light, increase in eye floaters and/or the impression that a veil or curtain has been drawn over your field of vision) get to your eye doctor right away.

Where Are the Real Men?

The other day at the West Alabama Ice House I overheard a fellow challenging a group around him to re-cast the 1960 classic The Magnificent Seven from the crop of today's well known actors. That turned out to be quite a challenge. Names like Ben Affleck were tossed out. But if you saw him in The Sum of All Fears, the movie based on Tom Clancy's best seller, you know that he does not have the gravitas to play Jack Ryan much less any character from M7. Harrison Ford was much better in the two previous films based on Clancy's work but he is too old to be considered for this challenge.

Kieffer Sutherland was about the best we could come up with but he is essentially a one-hit wonder with his 24 television series franchise. Where are the Yul Brenner's of today? There was an actor of incredible range who could sing and dance in the King and I and yet be believable as a tough gunslinger leading a group of men hired to save a small Mexican farming village from ruthless Banditos. And where are the Eli Wallach's, Steve McQueen's, Charles Bronson's and James Coburn's today? They just are not there. Yeah, if Clint Eastwood were a bit younger and still acting instead of directing he would fill the bill. So would the late Charleston Heston or the aging Kirk Douglas. But having to choose from a contemporary list of actors, I just can't do it.

This all got me to thinking about Real Men. I don't mean Todd Palin caricatures of real men. Hunting, fishing and racing snowmobiles does not make a Real Man anymore than NASCAR is a sport. A Real Man can fix an automobile not just drive one in circles. Unfortunately it has become almost impossible to fix the modern car today without complex computer equipment and secret factory codes. The backyard real-man mechanic has been emasculated by technology.

Where did all this start? I peg that at the end of the Reagan administration. We had a weak one-term Daddy Bush in the White House followed by pretty-boy, smooth-talking Clinton. During those years we saw the rise of feminism, political correctness, the cult of diversity and finally in Dubya's first term the ill-conceived and badly executed Iraq War. Whenever I hear the theme song from M7 it says to me "Here come the good guys to kick some serious bad guy butt" and I get chills down my spine. That is what Iraq should have been but was not and ended America's hegemony in kicking butt around the world. Nobody wants cowboys anymore.

I call what has happened to the men in this country "The Wussification of America". Look at today's TV shows. No Real Man should want to watch American Idol or Extreme Makeover: Home Edition but they are immensely popular. I think a Real Man would prefer something like Bonanza or Gunsmoke but nothing like that exists on TV today. Okay, maybe the Sopranos fills the bill, but it is (or was) on cable and not really mainstream. Shows like CSI and Law and Order are great but they lack the kick-ass, get-er-done energy a Real Man needs to be entertained. The aforementioned 24 series does that but it is the exception in a sea of mediocre reality shows and crap like Desperate Housewives and convoluted nonsense like Heroes. And this trend started years ago. I realized early on that I did not want characters like Scully and Mulder... I wanted someone like Hoss Cartwright or Marshall Matt Dillon.

So what is a Real Man? For starters, he doesn't get mani-pedis and he doesn't moisturize. He does not shop at Bed, Bath and Beyond or Linens and Things. If he were to find himself in one of those stores it better be because his wife/GF dragged him there. And he better go begrudgingly if he wants to maintain his RM bona fides. He does shop at Sears, Home Depot or better yet, an authentic local hardware store where things are still displayed in open bins and not all shrink wrapped up and hanging in neat rows on pegs. Real Men know how to do things, not just talk about them. They know how to fix a leaky toilet, rebuild the lawnmower's carburetor or install a ceiling fan without having to look up instructions on the Internet. A Real Man can build a one-match fire (unlike most of those wussie morons on Survivor who couldn't light a fire with a gallon of gas and a blowtorch). And finally, a Real Man supports his family, knows how to barbecue and teaches his kids stuff - real, useful stuff - and does not just shuffle them off to in front of a computer.

So what to do? Can we turn this around? We can try. Real Men, here is your assignment: Get out there and build a fire, burn some meat, toss down a cold one and start planning your next trip to the hardware store. If we are going to make some changes, we are going to need some tools!

Note: The Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com) was most helpful in researching this rant.