How I Spent My Thanksgiving

I spent this Thanksgiving week pretty much on my face. The week before I was diagnosed with a detached retina. Surgery was on the Monday before Thanksgiving and I spent the rest of the week recovering. Because of the procedure used I was required to spend a week with my head pointed downward.

The procedure I opted for is called vitrectomy (there are others but they were not as attractive in my case). The vitreous humor is removed from the eye and replaced with a saline solution. Following the reattachment of the retina the eye is filled with a gas that creates a bubble within the eye. The bubble presses against the retina and holds it in place during healing. In order for this to work the head must be positioned facing downwards. For those of you who slept through science class (or were forced to take in its place multicultural studies or some other bullshit feel-good class) here is the reason: gas in a liquid rises to the top.

To make recovery a bit easier I rented some special equipment that includes this massage chair contraption that lets me watch TV and use the computer while keeping my head down. For watching TV they sent along this mirror gizmo that works sort of like a periscope. It has two mirrors so that the TV image appears upright when you look into it. When not in the chair or sleeping (face down of course) I spent the time reading. This gave me a chance to read a book titled Chosen written by Troy Seate, a classmate of mine from Paschal High school.

I want to thank all my friends that helped me out during all this. Thanks to Steve Collier who drove me to the outpatient clinic and Sara Jo Dunstan who picked me up afterwards. Sara Jo also brought me my Thanksgiving meal from leftovers at the West Alabama Ice House orphans party. And a very special thanks to my next door neighbor Jim Bishop, who ironically is a retired ophthalmologist, for taking me to my post-op doctor's visit and walking my dog Boo each day.

So, here's hoping that next Thanksgiving will be much less eventful.

To see my YouTube video click here.

Note: If you have any of the symptoms of retinal detachment (flashes of light, increase in eye floaters and/or the impression that a veil or curtain has been drawn over your field of vision) get to your eye doctor right away.

Where Are the Real Men?

The other day at the West Alabama Ice House I overheard a fellow challenging a group around him to re-cast the 1960 classic The Magnificent Seven from the crop of today's well known actors. That turned out to be quite a challenge. Names like Ben Affleck were tossed out. But if you saw him in The Sum of All Fears, the movie based on Tom Clancy's best seller, you know that he does not have the gravitas to play Jack Ryan much less any character from M7. Harrison Ford was much better in the two previous films based on Clancy's work but he is too old to be considered for this challenge.

Kieffer Sutherland was about the best we could come up with but he is essentially a one-hit wonder with his 24 television series franchise. Where are the Yul Brenner's of today? There was an actor of incredible range who could sing and dance in the King and I and yet be believable as a tough gunslinger leading a group of men hired to save a small Mexican farming village from ruthless Banditos. And where are the Eli Wallach's, Steve McQueen's, Charles Bronson's and James Coburn's today? They just are not there. Yeah, if Clint Eastwood were a bit younger and still acting instead of directing he would fill the bill. So would the late Charleston Heston or the aging Kirk Douglas. But having to choose from a contemporary list of actors, I just can't do it.

This all got me to thinking about Real Men. I don't mean Todd Palin caricatures of real men. Hunting, fishing and racing snowmobiles does not make a Real Man anymore than NASCAR is a sport. A Real Man can fix an automobile not just drive one in circles. Unfortunately it has become almost impossible to fix the modern car today without complex computer equipment and secret factory codes. The backyard real-man mechanic has been emasculated by technology.

Where did all this start? I peg that at the end of the Reagan administration. We had a weak one-term Daddy Bush in the White House followed by pretty-boy, smooth-talking Clinton. During those years we saw the rise of feminism, political correctness, the cult of diversity and finally in Dubya's first term the ill-conceived and badly executed Iraq War. Whenever I hear the theme song from M7 it says to me "Here come the good guys to kick some serious bad guy butt" and I get chills down my spine. That is what Iraq should have been but was not and ended America's hegemony in kicking butt around the world. Nobody wants cowboys anymore.

I call what has happened to the men in this country "The Wussification of America". Look at today's TV shows. No Real Man should want to watch American Idol or Extreme Makeover: Home Edition but they are immensely popular. I think a Real Man would prefer something like Bonanza or Gunsmoke but nothing like that exists on TV today. Okay, maybe the Sopranos fills the bill, but it is (or was) on cable and not really mainstream. Shows like CSI and Law and Order are great but they lack the kick-ass, get-er-done energy a Real Man needs to be entertained. The aforementioned 24 series does that but it is the exception in a sea of mediocre reality shows and crap like Desperate Housewives and convoluted nonsense like Heroes. And this trend started years ago. I realized early on that I did not want characters like Scully and Mulder... I wanted someone like Hoss Cartwright or Marshall Matt Dillon.

So what is a Real Man? For starters, he doesn't get mani-pedis and he doesn't moisturize. He does not shop at Bed, Bath and Beyond or Linens and Things. If he were to find himself in one of those stores it better be because his wife/GF dragged him there. And he better go begrudgingly if he wants to maintain his RM bona fides. He does shop at Sears, Home Depot or better yet, an authentic local hardware store where things are still displayed in open bins and not all shrink wrapped up and hanging in neat rows on pegs. Real Men know how to do things, not just talk about them. They know how to fix a leaky toilet, rebuild the lawnmower's carburetor or install a ceiling fan without having to look up instructions on the Internet. A Real Man can build a one-match fire (unlike most of those wussie morons on Survivor who couldn't light a fire with a gallon of gas and a blowtorch). And finally, a Real Man supports his family, knows how to barbecue and teaches his kids stuff - real, useful stuff - and does not just shuffle them off to in front of a computer.

So what to do? Can we turn this around? We can try. Real Men, here is your assignment: Get out there and build a fire, burn some meat, toss down a cold one and start planning your next trip to the hardware store. If we are going to make some changes, we are going to need some tools!

Note: The Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com) was most helpful in researching this rant.

Spreading the Wealth

It's only a couple of days away from Election Day 2008. I am sure most of you have made up your mind for whom you will be voting (or have voted already). However, I felt the need to add one more rant before we all go to the polls.

Lately I have been thinking about what Obama said in reply to the question from Joe the Plumber about the candidate's tax plan. I don't agree that spreading the wealth is a code phrase for socialism as some have suggested. But I have been thinking a lot about what it could really mean. The meat of Obama's plan is to raise taxes on the rich, lower taxes on the middle class and dole out cash to many earners who are currently not paying any taxes at all. That is indeed spreading the wealth.

Now I am by no means rich. I am now and have always been firmly rooted financially in the middle class. In the interest of full disclosure, I do stand to lose a substantial amount of money in the future if the capital gains tax break is allowed to expire, as Obama has suggested (this was one of Bush's so-called tax breaks for the rich). In any case, taxing the rich at first does not seem like such a bad idea. After all, as Willie Sutton the bank robber reportedly said, "that is where the money is".

Indeed it is. Currently the top 5% of all wage earners pay 60% of all taxes. Strong shoulders should be able to bear a little more load. Give the hard working man (or woman) a break at the expense of the rich, who certainly can afford it. Let their polo ponies eat hamburger rather than steak. As Obama said to Joe: "it's good for everybody" (well maybe not the ponies).

The problem I see here is this: with a Democrat as President, a filibuster-proof Democrat controlled Congress in power and a new leadership eager for reform we may see those tax increases trickle down to the middle class. If you think back to Daddy Bush's acceptance speech in 1988 he said, now infamously: "Read my lips: no new taxes". We all know what happened after that.

My concern is that the same thing could happen to President Obama. I trust and admire the man but there is no guarantee that he can keep his pledge to tax only those currently considered rich. What is middle class today might look like rich in the future, especially with an electorate hungry for the many entitlements they will expect from a Democrat controlled government. The money has to come from somewhere and the rich are already paying a hefty chunk.

I doubt what I have written here will change anyone's vote but it is good food for thought. Be careful what you wish for. My worry is that in the near future I will have to spread something closer to my backside :-0.

To see more of what to expect in a President Obama future you might want to read this article by Pat Buchanan. It also appeared in today's Houston Chronicle.

Now go vote!